Tuesday, May 27, 2014

What They Said!

I'm linking up with Rosie today for What They Said - and disclaimer: these have been sitting in a blogger draft for a good 6-9 months... :)

Ava: Hey mom, how do you plant a tree?
Me: Oh that's a great question.  We can plant a tree together when we get a new house, ok? And then you can see how it's done.
Ava: Ok.  I want to plant a steak tree.
Me: ...like...meat on a tree?
Ava: Yep.
That's my girl.

Me: Ava, when we get into the building you need to use the potty quickly because class is about to start.
Ava: OK. I can make my pee pee come out SO FAST. You can't even believe how fast I can make my pee pee come out. Daddy can make his pee pee come out really fast too. He told me 7 months ago.
That is...oddly specific.
(Update: For the sake of Stephen's street cred, I have confirmed that this conversation never actually happened ;) )

Ava: Can presidents be girls?
Me: Of course! Are you going to be the first female president, Ava?
Ava: No. Actually, I'm going to make a tent and invite my friends over and we can eat (whispers) tea and cupcakes!!!!
Honestly, I think that's a much better idea.

She would make a pretty awesome president, though.

Stephen: Ava, when you grow up you are going to take over the world and I am going to help you.  When someone asks you what you are going to be when you grow up, say "I'm going to rule the world!"  Let's practice.  What are you going to do when you grow up?
Ava: Kill jellyfish
Stephen: No you're going to rule the world.  Let's try again.  What are you going to be when you grow up?
Ava: A dolphin.  Jellyfish suck peoples bloooooood out!
I think this is just another classic tale of the eldest child who doesn't want to inherit the family business.

Ava: Hey mom, I want my meatballs hotter.
Me: If I make them any hotter, they will burn you.
Ava: Oh yeah, like when I was 3 and you made that chicken noodle soup that could burn someone's face off.
Yep, just like that time...wait, what?

Clare: Daddy, could I please have some orange juice?
Stephen: Sorry, we don't have any.
Clare: Could I have a Shirley Temple?
Stephen: I don't have anything to make a Shirley Temple either. What can I get for you instead?
Clare: I don't know, booze??!
Still in her "booze is the funniest word ever" phase...

-Ava was spreading peanut butter on a roll for Clare...
Clare: I can't eat that, my brain will turn into gelatin!!
Ava: No it won't, Clare.  It's protein.  Peanut butter is protein.
Where do even learn these things?

Clare, showing up at our door early one morning: Mom, I have a problem!
Me: What's the problem?
Clare: I don't want Ava to look at my face!
First. World. Problem.

Go see Rosie for more hilarious twin talk - I love her kids!!!


  1. I will also take a steak tree, whenever you guys make that work...

    Also, John Paul is obsessed with knowing if food is protein or fiber or whatever - he makes me leave food out ALL the time when I'm cooking so he can check the nutritional content. Nerd. They're made for each other ;)

    Thanks for linking up! Looking forward to more and more blog posts :)

  2. Hi. Freaking. Larious. Dying over here.

  3. Laughing way, way harder than I'm supposed to at somebody else's kids! I feel disloyal that your kids are so funny. You're a big trouble-maker, you know that?

  4. Ha! So funny. And cupcakes vs. the presidency IS a very tough decision..