***If you are faint of heart, go no further. This post may contain graphic descriptions of human fecal matter.***
We just got home from our NY trip. Typically, we seem to be able to split the NY trip into two manageable 3-hour segments. But alas, halfway through our second segment we were visited by the poop gods.
Let me start by giving you a little background of Ava's bowel habits. (Sorry honey, I hope someday you can laugh about this.) She's got a knack for "saving it up" and the result is these epic 15 minute toilet sessions that result in gigantic tamagotchi piles.
You know what I'm talkin' about.
Anyway, she will often cry wolf in order to get out of bed at night (actually, her exact words are usually "my poo poo is coming out!!!") so when her requests for a potty break came on the heels of a plea to get out of her car seat, we tried to put her off, hoping this was merely an escape tactic. However, a few minutes later our ears were met with the familiar "My poo poo came out!!" Followed by a new outcry - "This is not comfortable!!!!" Which led us to believe she may have in fact just pooped her pants.
THANKFULLY when we flew into the restroom at the next exit I found this was another bluff on her part, but she did in fact need to go. Unfortunately, there was another poor soul in the stall next to us that was also trying to empty her colon who was then subject to her 10 minute monologue describing her bowel movement in explicit detail. (Is my child the only one who does this??
So the thing about these epic tamagotchi piles is that when you flush, they don't go anywhere. Seriously, this stuff is like commercial grade ceramic adhesive. I've developed a number of ways to deal with this, and when I'm caught off guard on the road I usually go with the "make the biggest wad of toilet paper I can muster and poke at it while trying not to shriek" teqnique.
But the ante was upped this time when the toilet turned to be an...auto flush toilet. When Ava got up, the commode flushed before I had time to employ my teqnique. Have you ever tried to manually flush an auto flush toilet?? (Squat and hover 1-2-3-4-5...that seems like it'a a legit amount of time to pee - hop up, no flush. Ok, let's try again. Count to 10 and up! Nope, nothing. Ok maybe I wasn't close enough to the sensor? Reeeeally squat and lean back this time. Legs are getting shaky, I think 10 seconds should definitely be enough since I have to be in the right position now. GAHHH who sits on a toilet this long!!!)
My reward after returning to the minivan was the stench of a diaper on the rear end of a 2 year old who started grunting as soon as she heard the word "poop", not to be left out of the fecal fiesta.
This mom job is crazy business.