Thursday, February 21, 2013

Mass Confessions

I know this is a little shameful to admit among the Catholic mom blog community, but we have rarely gone to Mass all together as a family for quite a while now.  Not just because we are lazy.  We do have some good excuses - my health issues during my third trimester and a nearly constant rotation of illness among the family during this entire flu season means we've been tag teaming a lot and if the kids come we usually go to the parish with the nursery.  Let's face it - that's a lot of children for one person.

This Sunday, everyone was finally healthy and we packed up the kids and carted them all to church sans nursery.  I was a little nervous, since I wasn't sure how they would behave after such a long absence   But it went perfectly!!  The girls just sat quietly in the pew with their hands folded listening intently the entire Mass!  Emeric just slept like a little angel in my arms!

In fact, I just thought I'd give you a little list of things that definitely DID NOT happen during Mass.

-When a rather large man walked down the aisle past us, Ava did not point and yell "DADDY, THAT MAN IS REALLY BIG!!"

-When the light shone through the stained glass windows and appeared on the wall, Ava did not scream "UNCLE GEORGE!! LOOK!! COLORS!!!"

-The girls did not hold hands and swing them around singing "LA LALA LALA LALA LALAAAAA"

-The girls did not repeatedly yawn in the most loud and exaggerated way during the homily.

-I did not have to whisper to Clare to encourage her to sing along while we were waiting to get in line for Communion in order to distract her from shoving both fingers up her nose and snorting loudly.  And she did not start singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" at the top of her lungs in response to my request.

-When the priest placed the Host on my tongue, Clare didn't try to grab the paten and repeatedly yell "CAN I HAVE SOME?!" while I dragged her away

-When everyone sat back down after Communion, Ava did not yell "TIME TO GO!!!!!"

-And lastly, Stephen did not tell Ava that the ushers standing in the back were watching for naughty children to take them out of Mass.  Because I'm pretty sure that lying in church is an order of magnitude worse than a regular lie.

Nope, none of those things happened, because that would have been really embarrassing, and our kids are perfect.

I might be in denial.


  1. They could have been watching for misbehaving don't know.

    In hindsight, I should have said, "they MIGHT be back there to watch for naughty children" Live and learn, I guess.

  2. Boy am I glad those things didn't happen! I mean, then I would have to admit that you are not really the picture perfect wife and mother and domestic goddess that I have built you up to be! And if they did actually occur, why then you would have to join the ranks of us "regular" moms, who have to walk back from Communion head down, cheeks blazing, armpits drenched, trying to convince yourself that no one saw your child run past the priest up onto the altar to get a closer look at Jesus.
    In any case...congrats on making through a Mass as a family! : )

  3. My first thought is (besides she's only got 3 kids) sometimes that hour can be the longest hour of the week. Period.

    Our last baby would go to sleep during every Mass, because I nursed her til she was 21 months and after that, she no longer napped, but was still very good, and still is. Our 6 year old, another story. Our new "toddler" Simeon, well, he's not a fan of sitting anywhere, or snuggling and he cannot nurse(I pump for him)he's not a snuggler though and will not go to sleep with a bottle with people around, it must be the perfect surroundings for this to happen (quiet upstairs darkened bedroom). SO, now we either switch it up, or I'm standing in the back with the ushers...(men who take away naughty children--love that!)

    Our 6 year old constantly wants to know "how many songs are left?" so we can go home. None of my children have ever said, "This is boooooring" Ever. Or "Is it donut Sunday? It's not? That's why I come, that's the only reason I come!" ( I might be in denial too)

    Last Sunday all the kids (all 6 of them) were sick (at the same time!) so hubby and I split up Mass. I went by myself. Can't remember last time I ever did that. It was wonderful. I felt so happy when I got home!!

    It's the season. I see it in my older kids...looking down the row, they all used to be stinkers in church. Now they are so good.

    See? It will get better and you will have more kiddos and they will be stinkers. But these will get better! I promise!

  4. Oooohhhhh this is the best post ever. Right there with you, except you are smarter not taking them all to Mass together every week. We are just dumb.

  5. I may have laughed out loud so hard that I almost woke my kids up from naptime. So great. I sympathize. Last week our 4 year old got his blessing and then refused to budge from the communion line and I had to drag him away (while he yelled, "STOP PULLING ME!")

    And why is it that during the Consecration, my kids always start doing the rumba in the pew?

    Oh and Lucy (16 months) occasionally bangs her head against the pew ON PURPOSE and then starts screaming. Sigh. She does make up for it in precious kisses she blows to Mary "Mamee" and Jesus "Cheese."

    Loved this :)

  6. There's no way for us to split up for Mass since Andrew sings at another one right after our 9 AM, but I bet we would if we could! Once we had to because JP was puking, so I took Cecilia and one baby, and it was honestly just as much work as if I had had Andrew and the other kids. And I took just John Paul on Ash Wednesday and he was worse than usual... So I'm not sure regular splitting up would help!

    My favorite is how they NEVER start shouting, "Mass is over! Now we go to the car!!!" right before the final blessing. And I definitely never have to drag John Paul away from the communion line after he starts shouting, "OHHHH I WANT JESUS! I WANT A HOST IN MY MOUTH! WHEN I AM THREE YEARS OLD, NOT SEVEN YEARS OLD!!!" And Cecilia has definitely never started bellyflopping down the aisle, and has never asked us (at a more ethnically diverse parish than ours), "What dat BROWN boy doin?"

    Nope, they're always perfect. Always. Something must be wrong with all those OTHER parents who can't control their kids...

  7. Oh my gosh. I'm laughing so hard. I have also made our ushers into boogey man figures for my children. During a particularly trying Mass I seriously thought about slipping one of them a 20 and asking if he would come up to my children and threaten to take them to the parish dungeon if they didn't settle down.